My Sacred Duty

Originally posted: August 17, 2009

If Im going to look back at those times when Im almost at the edge of giving up my office.. I can say that, that could perhaps be the most stupid and foolish period I could have been in my life..I never thought that it would take me 2 long months to retrieve my sacred office back.. It wasnt anybody’s fault.. Not Ka Jun’s fault, Not Ka Jr’s fault, no one’s…  I was completely sure of one thing.. That God wasnt certain of embracing me back in my service.. Inner voices from enigmatic sources cross inside my confused mind.. That is all becoming too hard to handle. Felt like Im readily starting to become irrational. No one knew.. no one.. except Him. And when i pray.. tears are eternity.. streaming across my empty face.. Begging Him to take me again with his unselfish arms. What have I done to deserve such delay or worse.. rejection.

But I was determined to move along my narrow ambiguous path.. Deep down my heart, I know.. that this is a trial. It feels gloomy to lose it for a day or two, more depressing for a week, and heartbreaking for months. And im not going to imagine how is it for years, for sure, its unbearable.

My Faith’s wavering, but I didnt lose hope. Envy eats me up from inside. Regrets for moving here to England had become a subject to blame. But I didnt let myself to completely falter. I know Im way too strong for these. As far as my known weaknesses are concerned, this one can NEVER beat me up!

Performing at Sunderland

Good news is music to my ears. And I never expected that what Ive got is far better than I thought. Just in time for Pasalamat, and most of all.. the 95th Anniversary Grand Celebration. Pros count. Im here in England, performing my sacred duty as a choir member, singing hymns of praises in a different language, and most of all, for the first time, Im with my family, and all together we sincerely offer our deepest gratitude and thanksgiving for keeping us firm and intact in our Faith, and for every blessing we are receiving each day. I was never forsaken after all. I was never wrong.. i knew.. it was a trial.  -nheg

♫♪ Almighty Father I have come today.To give my thanks to You most gratefully. I offer praises with a humble heart. And sing most joyfully.

You lift my weary soul from misery. I feel Your strength Your nearness day to day. With every step I fell You guiding me. Along my troubled way.

I now give my thanks to You Almighty God. I prevail I endure with You by my side. If You should ever leave Your servant. I know I cannot abide.

I think upon Your goodness day and night. So saddened Lord by what I have become. Ashamed am I before Your holy sight. Of every sin I’ve done.

And yet O Lord You love me anyway. Inspite of all my faults and my misdeeds. You never failed to listen as I pray. Providing every need.

I am here Your chosen servant calling You. Please receive my thanksgiving, my humble praise. I sing proclaiming Your compassion. Your love, Your kind blessed ways.

This world is filled with such uncertainty. But You are ever present in my life. Because of Your concern I still remain. Within the Church of Christ.

I have nothing to repay Your blessings Lord. What have I that compares to the Grace You give. I only hope that I am worthy. To serve as long as I live..

The life and strength You give to me Almighty God. These I return to You in service Lord. I promise to endure my pains and trials. I promise to be faithful to Your word.

O let my name be now and ever written. There in the book of life, this I implore. As I await Your son, his great returning. May I be true to You forever more.

I see the end of all my many hardships. For all the sufferings will fade away. i know that I will see the Holy City. To look upon Your face, on that Great Day.

For these my Father.. I will humbly wait……♫♪ 
Processional Hymn July 2009

Me and my wonderful Family offering a heartfelt thanks to our Lord Father.
-Pasalamat 2009

Finally in a worship service, together..

After the July Pasalamat 2009

95th Anniversary of the Churh of Christ Grand Celebration July 27, 2009 

We're blessed bro. 
We're performing our duty in this very special day! 

Manchester Choir

95th Anniversary of the Churh of Christ Grand Celebration July 27, 2009 

UK Choir members (Wales, Ireland, Scotland, England)
and some from other European countries.

UK Choir members (Wales, Ireland, Scotland, England)
and some from other European countries.

Performing our sacred duties

Performing our sacred duties

Singing Hymns of Praises

INC 95th Anniversary UK Celebration at O2 Arena-Indigo

Daloy ng mga biyaya..

Performing our sacred duties

Choir practice (sitting with the tenors)

My tenor mates! Hahaha!

Ate Joy my co-soprano

Manchester Choir

Manchester Choir

Manchester Choir

Within the Choir - Battersea, London

Originally posted: July 9, 2009

Me and my Brother all so giddy after
the audition!

When we first came in the grounds of Locale ng Manchester, we immediately sought help in finding a way for us to be able to perform our duty as choir members. There we met Brother Jun (yeah.plenty of Ka Jun already way back home, hehe), and he’s the leader of the choir here in the locale.He had mentioned about this special gathering where choir members all over UK are about to gather in London and will hold a special worship service for choir members and at the same time will hold the Gen. Practice for the Pasalamat. He told us that if the situation permits, we can come along with them and Brother JR (not another JR!Haha)the tagapagturo in UK, will put us into an audition (not suprised.) and will listen to us sing. My English pronunciation isnt that bad, so im hoping it wouldnt be that hard for me to get through. *wink. So when I learned all about that, i became very excited and enthusiastically look forward to it! Theres no way Im losin’ grip at my office!

Locale of Battersea, London

July 3 came, Dad volunteered to bring us to Manchester where our hired coach will be picking us up. With having so much compassion for my duty, I never thought this can actually lead me back to London. And by the Grace of His love, i never thought I could have ever hold my office this far. I feel so much love showering us all over.  The overflowing tears that engulfed the place.. Cries that signifies the joy in the heart of every choir member .. Priceless.. And the feeling of security, despite of the fact that they are certainly strangers to me, I know that what I feel deep inside me is the same feeling that they can actually share with me., and that makes me feel at ease. Brothers and sisters from different locales from Scotland, Wales,England, and Nothern Ireland are assembled and encouraged to possess one great aim.. to continue in singing praises to the Lord that are pleasing before His eyes.

Ka JR, The UK Tagapagturo, concentrates in auditioning us. 

Bloopers! Yes, Of course I wouldnt be Vanie if I didnt take pictures of myself at the place. That was absolutely one great experience that i will certainly treasure for the rest of my life. Nung oras na for the audition, Ka Jun introduced us to Ka JR. But our couch has arrived just in time to fetch us and head home. Eeee di pa kame naaaudition!! So Ka JR prioritized kameng mga taga Manchester. He asked for my name, “Ok sister vanessa, akyat ka na dun, you go first.” Huwaaaatt! Are you serious??! (Of course he is serious!) Andame pang tao sa loob, are they going to stay there and watch us?? Ee, kaso ayoko nang maginarte, baka magalit pa siya sakin, anyway I want to get this over na rin naman, so hala nauna na akong umakyat sa koro, haha, nagmaganda ako, hahahah! Taz yun, sumunod na rin naman nagakyatan yung iba pang iaaudition. I was shaking pero I stood up, and just do what I was told to do. “Organ!” And I sang “61″. ANSARAP NG FEELING! Ka JR was listening to every line that I was singing. And take note, habang umaawit ako, kamusta naman, there were flashes of camera! Hahahaha! Yung mga Ka lokal ko pinipicturan ako! Lol. When my turn’s over, Ka JR said ” ok.Good. Thank you.” Wheew! That wasnt so hard! Not at all! I actually would want to do it again! Ahahahaha! Ka Jun told me to go down for a while, so bumaba ako ng koro, may di ko kilalang kapatid dun na nagsabi sakin ” Pasado ka na nian ee” Wow, now im getting compliments, hehe. Taz yung mga ka-lokal ko called me “Tara dito, since tapos ka na magpicture picture muna tayo!” Hinila nila ako taz nasa gitna pa talaga ako! What I didnt know Ka JR was looking for me and just saw me,ayun at para akong celebrity na nakikipag picturan dun sa mga fans ko!! I wasnt supposed to go away yet. I have to stay in the koro pa rin pala and sit still! Waaahh! Thats why yung mga inaaudition din were laughing at me! At Balot kept on shaking his head! I was thinking what the hell did I do wrong??! Pagkatapos ng lahat, kinwento ni Lot, and I blushed in shame!!!  Pero as Ive said earlier, our coach was badly waiting for us outside na, so we have to hurry kaya, after mapakinggan kaming apat na taga Manchester, Ka JR shook our hands and told us we can perform our duty in the upcoming Pasalamat. Yey. I hope Ka JR wasnt really annoyed at me, I didnt intentionally disrespect him in that case. I was just being carried away by my adrenaline rush, thats all.  Phooeeeyyy… I still like him anyway. I admire his confidence, his voice, compassion.. *Sigh I really did look so silly at that moment, whenever na maalala namen yun, hala, tawa sila ng tawa!  If I only heard the intruction, I would have kept my ass sat still and stayed. 

It has been a small world after all. We bumped on each other at London!
With Ate Cathy, formerly part of the N. Nayon Choir 

The Manchester Choir

My brother in an impromptu Organist Audition.

My BASIC LIFE SUPPORT Training...

My valuable pin of achievement on Basic Life Support.
Award given by the Philippine National Red Cross - Quezon City Chapter

Why on earth do I bother to blog this topic? There was this time in my one supposedly benign night shift, challenged my practice on emergency life saving skills. 

May 17, 2012. I received a census of not more than 25 patients all. With my 2 RN HEALS (Contractual Registered Nurses) and me, the Staff, as the Charge Nurse.. During Endorsement, I had this seemingly familiar anticipation with one particular patient. Which.. I was afraid to convince myself it will actually happen. Right after, I immediately took a moment to check on his condition. 

A 56 year-old/male and has been diagnosed as "New Growth Pharynx", a mass has seemed to occlude the opening of the esophagus from the mouth. He's been admitted in our institution for like 4 days ago. And since then.. he's not taking anything (food, water etc.) through his mouth. In short, he's been, in no doubt, starving.. he cannot tolerate eating. A nasogastric tube had been numerously attempted to be inserted, but the intervention apparently failed. So, while his doctors tried to figure out one appropriate action, we managed to maintain his intravenous line in condition, and kept him in Oxygen support, and a frequent (every 4 hours) of nebulization, which worked for him in the first few days.

Until then, the moment I checked on him, he seemed to be in his same condition as before. His vital signs were the same, a BP of 110/70, a respiration rate of 29 (which is understandable for his airway problem) he's pale, he's leaning forward the bed (his comfort position to breathe properly).. with that I ignored the hunch of actually  having a dreaded "code" that night. I went back to the station and attended my Pay patients. I was sooo drowsed, and my eyes were falling, and dreamland was calling... I was soooo.. sleepy.. That i had to help myself with a cup of coffee.. Until...

Angel (one of my RN HEALS) came up to me, and reported that, that patient apparently became unconscious. And my adrenaline engine ignited for a respond. I rushed at the bedside, his Vital signs came unappreciated. BP=0, Heart rate=unappreciated. CBG=erratic. No spontaneous breathing,.. I hurriedly borrowed the AmbuBag (from my other one Mechanical Ventilation assisted patient (Oo, may isa pa akong toxic na pasyente, which at that time ay nasa on "Do not Resuscitate Status" naman.) and hooked it to the coding patient. I hurriedly referred it to the  Resident on Duty, and was attended right away. In constant ambubagging to oxygen at 10 liters per minute. Clerks and Interns initiated the cardiac massage. I brought our emergency medicines, broke an ampule of epinephrine, and was given thru IV bolus. Broke another ampule, and prepared for the next push. I asked my other nurses to borrow the ECG machine at the next ward... Its not that I forgot to prepare one thing.. the Intubation set.. All the while Ive been thinking of it, but why on earth didn't my self do it..? That I had to prepare other things more important than that. I assumed it will only be useless since the mass has been so perfectly occluding..  That I, again, assumed.. they will do the Tracheostomy instead just like what they did before.. My attending residents were lost. They were not telling me what they were actually going to do. Were waiting for a Senior resident to help out. (Who were currently operating at the OR..) But.. minutes delayed, I decided to prepare the Intubation set anyway, in time as the 3rd yr resident appeared. I put all the ECG leads in place, ran it.. and revealed a flat line tracing. Intubation took time, but done. Chest Compressions and Ambubagging continuously done. 20 minutes later, the patient has been pronounced clinically dead. It was 12:21am of May 18. I would not elaborate the complete interventions done.. But.. All I can say, is that.. we did.. OUR PART. What made me a little so concerned about this was.. After all the commotion, the doctor actually told me. "This is not anybody's fault. This happens. We're not prepared. You are not prepared." Those words sank in the deepest of my soul. I interrupted and told him... "Doctor, hindi po sa hindi kami nakahanda. Nakahanda po kami, naghihintay lang po kami ng orders ninyo." I came from the Medicine Ward. Has been assigned there for 7 months. And these happened to us almost everyday! And I was trained on these kind of situations. I just didn't want to break any superiority in that particular situation, i managed to prepare what i think were helpful. I believed, it is in their ordinance to fully assess the situation. I wont push the epinephrine every three minutes, without their order. They had to assess first...

I began charting at 2am. Yes almost like 2 hours since I had an expired. Those words as mentioned.. were penetrating. i was out in space. I was assessing myself. But in the end, I was convinced, I did my part. I'm not pointing anybody's fault either. This is going to be another lesson learned for me. Sometimes, its ok to break the chain of command. If you think its right, just do it.